I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
