I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
