I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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