Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
