I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
