I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
