I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
