You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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