nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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