girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
