The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do herpes really smell.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
