sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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