you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
