plz talk dirty to me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
