Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You made out with two different species that night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
