dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
