Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
