You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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