I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just google imaged poop.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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