How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's just like the Real World with babies
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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