I'm really into asian looking animals
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
