just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
