dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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