I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
