just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
