I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
