watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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