so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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