Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
