It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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