my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
