Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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