Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
