Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize