I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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