peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
