The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
