All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
