Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
this hospital has no fireball
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
