Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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