From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
