your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
