i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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