She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
