we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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