But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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