when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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