you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
