remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
