So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it glows. i had to have it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
