we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
