Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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