you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
