Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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