he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
