Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
