i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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