I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
