You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
