its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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