When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
