I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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