It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
