Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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