I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
