i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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