tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
