I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
