It's Friday. Sex?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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