The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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