If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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