so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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