I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
