Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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